April is a time of renewal and rebirth in the natural world when the tree flowers, daffodils, and other spring flowers bloom, and the spring peepers emerge from their winter sleep in the mud to sing their amazing chorus. But for me, after three glorious months of being depression free, productive and content, April has brought back the demon.
The spark has left my eyes, my face feels like melting wax, there is panic in my gut and I just want to cry. Instead of living in the world, I've gone back inside my head with all the negative thinking, physical aches and pains, isolation and loneliness. Try as I do to beat back this devil with my intellect, it's just too powerful and leaves me helpless.
Thanks to my wonderful caregiver and friend, I recently had a DNA study done and it was discovered that my body is deficient in the ingredient necessary to process serotinin. I'll be trying a new supplement to address this issue and will let you know if it works. I'm hoping it will lift me up before I'm totally debiliated again. I also hope this process proves positive and will give hope to others who suffer from treatment-resistent depression.
