A Rock and a Hard Place

I live my life between a rock and a hard place – between the disabling illness of depression and the deep desire to fully participate in all that life has to offer.

My therapist suggested that I write about my experience with depression. She suggestd that different people relate to different styles of writing, and perhaps another person who suffers from depression might relate to my thoughts and words. Writing is helpful to me, and perhaps what I say may be helpful to others. I also hope to provide some insite to people who don't understand this illness.

My life has been stolen by depression. I am intelligent and creative but have been paralyzed by this demon and unable to use my talents. It has cost me relationships and jobs. I believe depression robs us of our essential selves and causes us to live inside our heads with the demons. I have had the good fortune to meet my essential self when I go through periods of being depression-free, and in these moments I am able to live outside of my head and am reminded of the wonderful person I am, and that I can and do contribute something positive to this life.

I often tell my doctors that I don't know how I survive this hell - they tell me that I have a deep resistant core of strength. And I have hope - I try hard to remember that every new day brings possibilities that could enhance my life. My excellent doctors save my life - I put my trust in them knowing that they care about my well-being. I know it can be scary to reach out for help, and often it takes a while to find the right therapist, but without such help, I don't know of any other way I could have learned to live gracefully with this illness. The other lifeline I have is my pets - they are the best medicine. There have been times in my life when I wanted to drive off a cliff to end the pain, but I had to get home to feed my pets. They save my life every day.

This is my introductory blog - I don't know where it will take me. Of course I know that there are different levels at which people suffer from, and experience depression, and that what works for me may not work for the next person. This blog is meant only to tell my story. If it helps another, that will be a gift to me.

 

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