Just Saying . . .

I try very hard not to hate what this illness has done to my life. That takes a lot of energy. And there is not much energy to spare when consumed with emotional and physical pain.

An ironic turn of event . . . I finally scheduled an appointment for an ECT evaluation and had psyched myself up to go tomorrow when I got a call from the ECT nurse saying their hospital did not have a contract with my insurance carrier. Most likely, I would not have subjected myself to this bizarre treatment anyway but I had promised my doctor I would look into it if I became suicidal, which I came close to last week. Luckily I still have some resiliency left to rise above those thoughts. This is just so freakin' hard. It's Xmas day and not one phone call. I will go to Kristen and John for dinner later. So grateful for that.

"Everybody hurts."